Week 2: To Be Known

As writer Tim Kreider wrote, "If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known".

The quote by Tim Krider is one of my favorites. I look back to it all the time when I feel myself starting to overthink my relationships. It has always reminded me that love encompasses all the bad aspects of your personality as well. If you love someone for their laughter, wit, and kindness, you will also love them through their anger and pettiness. Not that you will ignore these flaws but acknowledge that as flawed humans we are always working towards being better. 

I don't think I would destroy my journals even if I was afraid that they might be read. My journals are written for myself and they are an exploration of my thoughts and feelings. One of my biggest flaws is that I tend to ignore what I'm feeling till it weighs me down so heavily I can't move on. Keeping my journals and being able to look back on how I was feeling at certain times would be a gentle reminder that as a human being I have been able to experience everything on the spectrum. Also, I don't ever want to be ashamed of my writing unless I'm actively trying to belittle someone in my diaries. It's ok to feel sad or embarrassed or lonely or angry. My journals are a place to deal with those feelings in a healthy manner.

Having someone read my journals would not be something I would actively support. Especially my family, I think there are certain parts of my life that I don't feel the need to share with them. With my friends, it feels more like they are my equals and that there is less that I would keep from them. However, I don't think I would want them exposed to every thought that goes running through my head. I might share parts if I thought my written words did a better job of explaining myself or if they wanted an answer on something. If I choose to share them with someone, it would be with the hope that this person desires to understand me and is willing to read with an open heart. When I die, whoever inherits my things will hopefully have instructions on what to do with my journals. Maybe I'll share pieces of myself with my loved ones and take the more intimate bits to the grave. 

I am horribly curious at times and I always want to know what others are thinking, but I'm well aware that no one owes me their thoughts. So unless someone gave me permission, I wouldn't read the diary of someone else. Even if the desire to relate to someone is good-natured, you have to have someone who is willing to share those parts of themselves.