Week 3: Burn, Baby, Burn

Burn, Baby, Burn

I always thought that if someone who was important in my life read my journal I would die. But I also thought that if anyone ever read a book that I wrote I would also die, but they have and I am still very much alive. When I am dead, I don't want my children snooping through my journals and finding out who I really am, because the person in my journals isn't who I really am. When I write in a journal, I scribble down rapid thoughts and feelings that I myself don't understand yet. I'm a pretty calculated person; I think carefully before I speak and act, and sort of take pride in that. I wouldn't want my children, or whoever was reading my journal when I'm dead to think of me otherwise.

It might be a pride thing, actually I know it is, but why would I want someone to read my most vulnerable thoughts when they know I would never in a million years share them if I were alive. Whenever I have a disagreement or argument with someone important to me, I usually have to step back and spend a few days thinking things over. Not for important things that need quick responses, of course, but I have a lot of deep rooted anger that I haven't quite worked through yet, but most of the time I step back because I need to think it through. With my journal, I need to work through things before I openly share them with the world, or someone close to me, for that matter. I would never go lurking through someone's private journal, because I wouldn't want someone lurking through mine.

My friends and I had a tradition back in middle school where we burned all of our homework from that year. It was a tradition I was always excited about because I hated school more than anyone. We would grab our thick binders and make our way over to the fire pit. Then we began tossing in our essays and tests and math homework, laughing and roaring with excitement.

Will I destroy my journals one day like I did my homework? Absolutely. I'll make myself a cocktail, douse them in lighter fluid, throw a match on those suckers and watch them burn. Heck. I'll even sing the chorus of The Trammps "Disco Inferno". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_sY2rjxq6M