Week 12: Healthy Body, Healthy Mind

I have struggled with depression for the majority of my life. Ever since I was a kid, I always felt sad, but I could never understand why. I would go up to my room and play by myself for hours on end. In middle school, I started to sleep from the moment I got home from school until well into the morning. Nothing made me happy. My parents were somewhat concerned, but they figured that teenagers liked to sleep a lot.

When I got into high school, things got worse. I never wanted to go out with my friends, and I never wanted to be around my family. These lingering thoughts of sadness never seemed to go away, and it even led to thoughts of suicide on more than one occasion.

I was never an active person. Sure, I was on cheerleading squads and dance teams, but I only really participated because I was trying to get the mandatory swim class waved. When I was in my senior year of high school I got sick and had to have emergency surgery to get my gallbladder removed. I dropped fifteen pounds and continued to feel sick all the time.

Within a year I gained the weight back, and then some, which forced me into a deeper depression. I hated my body, and I hated the way I looked. I was unhealthy and had no energy despite the 50+ hours I worked as a server and bartender.

In 2016 I was in a bad relationship, which led to me falling into a pit that I didn't think that I would be able to climb out of. I was having health problems again, and gained more weight; having my gallbladder turned out to not be the problem with my body. In August of that year, I finally listened to my mother's please to start working out. We have a home gym, which made it easier for me because there was no way that I was stepping foot into a gym.

Within a few months, those stubborn pounds that slowly crept up began to fall off. I was exercising five times a week, and eating healthy. But it wasn't just the weight for me. The mental fog that I felt for the last few years started to clear. I was able to handle the stress and anxiety and sadness that I felt all the time. Running cleared my mind, and it almost started to get addicting. Whenever I felt sad, I would lace up my tennis shoes and go for a jog on the treadmill, and when I was done, I felt better. According to the Mayo Clinic, working out and other forms of physical activity can ease symptoms of depression or anxiety. This is because when you exercise, you release endorphins, which are brain chemicals that can enhance your sense of wellbeing.

It didn't get rid of my depression, but it helped. It still helps. As a senior who is graduating in a few weeks, my stress has been sky-high, and with everything going on with COVID-19, the future is uncertain. The jobs that I have been interviewing for have been put on hold, and the endless positions that I saw online have suddenly disappeared. I am not competing with the millions of people who have just lost their jobs.

I feel an abundance of emotions right now, but I'm trying not to give into them. Instead, I make sure I get my daily work out in and eat as healthy as I can even though I'm sitting in the kitchen staring at the bag of chips on the counter. Working out is hard, and sometimes I feel like I am dragging my feet to the treadmill, but when I'm done, I'm glad that I persevered. The sadness still hangs over my head, but it has gotten better. If you are ever feeling sad, anxious, or depressed, try a workout. I promise you will not regret it.