Week 2: You Can't Always Write What You Want

I am terrified at the thought of keeping a traditional journal. I am terrified for many reasons, considering the fact that I would be engaging in the act of recording my most intimate, life-altering revelations. I am mainly terrified because it would probably put my therapist out of work. And I like her a lot, she brings her dog to work with her. Although this is not my only reason for possessing a severe phobia of recording my everyday thoughts and feelings, it’s serves as a good excuse.

I believe that if I were to keep a traditional journal, engaging in this form of self reflection would be horrifying but adherently invigorating. There are days where the running conversation in my head seems like it’s begging me to drive to the nearest Target and go buy a journal. I can’t come up with a reason for why I haven’t, although I could probably come up with a few for why I should. I believe that I am mostly scared of the actual act of physically writing out some of my thoughts, feelings, or interpretations. To me, the idea of this transfer of thought from the mind to paper would inevitably condemn these thoughts or experiences to be inherently more real. I also feel like I have some thoughts/feelings that lack the structure to be put into a standard
English sentence, that both makes sense to any English reader and is also a fully comprehensive recount to the emotions behind it.

I do face moments in the present where I reminisce on a certain time period of my life and struggle to pick my own brain to recall my actual feelings and emotions during that time phase. I feel like I can almost remember what I was thinking at that time, but the emotions have grown so dull. I feel unsure in these memories, and I can’t decide whether or not my long-term memory has created a glorified fictitious sham of what my present-self wishes my past-self thought at the time. But then, I realize my understanding and interpretation of certain events in my life could have only been processed differently if attended to with growth and wisdom attributed over the years. And could I tap into my brain 5 years ago, would I really think of my 16 year old self to have made the idiotic choices my elders never neglect to remind me of now, or have I been interpreting events the same my whole life, and as I age, I have just been forced to interpret these events in a different setting???? This leads to summarize my inclination to begin writing things down.

Although, as I have previously voiced some of my concerns for keeping a traditional journal, I somehow have a feeling of opposition towards the idea of writing about myself online. I think this somewhat has to do with the fact that I would be less likely to share certain information about my life online, because the awareness of an audience would force me to perform at least a miniscule sense of censorship in the things I would willingly share. I would face no issue sharing the basic necessities a reader may need in order to relate to me, connect with me, or inspire me. I do find fear in the idea of sharing information that a reader may want to disagree with me on. As a Gemini, I face a constant battle between my emotions and intellect. I have a strong desire to relate with every single person I come into contact with, yet I also possess very strong opinions that resist alteration by anyone. I believe this yearning for relation would at times overpower my desire to share some of the stronger opinions or beliefs I hold. I believe a writer does not have to translate every belief they possess into their writing, because it may lead to a disconnect in the purpose of their writing in the first place. Thus, a writer must not barricade themselves from making a connection with readers who have different thoughts or opinions. To leave “a little for the imagination” in writing allows the writer to hang on to a sense of self, while still leaving room for self-reflection and growth.

I would assume most people are interested in reading other’s diaries for similar reasons that people listen to music with lyrics, watch TV shows, or read books. To read another person’s diary, the reader is inherently looking for a point of relation or connection to the writer. I believe it is human nature to inherently seek relation or connection to another being or the message they are presenting. I understand that as humans we get bored and reading another person’s diary or journal may fill that void, but in actuality, I myself have no interest in knowing what anyone else is doing that I will never meet in real life (as they probably have no interest in my actions either) unless I am able to internally find relation or connection to them.

While most readers find comfort in relating to the writer or their work,“The Diary of Anne Frank” evolved into an artifact that was read and deeply admired by “tens of millions of people all over the world” (Massotty), although we can infer that not every reader shared a similar experience to Anne in the midst of the Holocaust. Yet somehow, this diary became one of the most enduring and touching documents of the twentieth century. I believe this particluar diary resonated with so many individuals because although Anne’s diary was consumed by many readers who did not share similar experiences to hers of the Holocaust, her documentations still offered every single reader the key to the interpretations of this devastating event from her own personal experiences. The development of her voice throughout her writing became so empowering to any person reading. Because of the content Anne included in her diary, she was able to depict herself to the reader as someone who was relatable to anyone, despite their circumstances.

I would say that most diary writers do write in a stream of consciousness, but this does not mean that the writer is the only party that can learn from their own writing. This is considerably true in Anne Frank’s diary.

In the case of “The Diary of Anne Frank”, although this was a traditional diary, Anne worked hard to improve her writing before publication (Massotty). A diary writer concerned with the perfection of grammarly conventions, organization, and the omission of those who prefer not to be named in their writing, equates to a writer who is passionate within the message they are trying to convey. This type of writer commits a selfless act of publication, and is willing to ensure that the reader diving into their stream of consciousness is able to interpret their documentations in the exact same way as they had when writing them. Online, these same rules should apply with grammar and organization as once your post is published, it is out there forever, for the entire world and web to see.